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2nd Author: Drunken

  第二回小做作见面酒三杯大铺排倒身钱十贯蝶恋花钟送黄昏鸡报晓,昏晓相催,世事何时了。白昼红尘人易老,多情悄不相逢早。?

眼底空教留意好,我自无缘,应惹傍人笑。着甚来由徒懊恼,深情毕竟凭谁道。

这个词儿,说道相处小官,大约要些缘分。缘分中该得有些儿光景,比如一个在天东,一个在天西,转弯抹角,自然有个机会凑着。这个机会,虽是缘分所使,中间也决少不得一个停当的牵头说合拢来。又有一说,牵头固虽寻着个停当的了,只是近日出来的小官,个个都靠背后买卖。做了生涯,坐倒思量嘴动,出门思量钱用,须得着实打点一块结识在他身上,才行得通。不然的时节,随你该得的缘分,停当杀的牵头,都要走了滚。这些闲文,原不必得详细,如今且把个故事说来。

昔日巴陵城中有个假小官,说话的,你才开的口,就吃人捉了破绽去,难道世间小官,怎么却有假的。看官们不要性急,慢慢听我说个就里。这假小官,唤做李翠儿,原是城中李员外家一个使女。李员外平日闲,最喜的是后庭花。见他十三四岁上头发覆眉,生得笋尖般嫩,着实喜欢。倒不要他前面那一道,只要他后面这一道。只是十分优待,教他打扮做了小官,一样穿鞋袜,一样着道袍,手面上又教他习了些写算。着他在记室中,早晚做个陪伴。

你道可不是一件屈天屈地的事,丫头家这样的年纪,正好破花心,如何却寻思在他背后去。人却不知道,这李翠儿偏又尝着滋味,便宜了这道。那李员外是一时少不得的,有这样个花蕊般的假小官在身边,难道不会动火。两个早早晚晚尽情顽要,不上两年,把个李员外断送上路。他儿子李大官人,晓得父亲为这个冤孽身上坑了性命,算计定了,只要等到闭灵之后,把他布摆一通。李翠儿知了风声,想得祸机一发,决然收拾不来。这晚一溜风,遂走了出去。?

有一说,女人逃走,改作男装的常有。只是索性改作个裹头刷发的,走将出去,还没人猜疑。端只又是个小官打扮,如何行得通。况且而今的人,眼孔里那个着得些儿垃圾,见个小官,无论标致不标致,就似见血的苍蝇,攒个不了。这李翠儿此时要走得慌张,一些东西不曾带得在身边。从更尽赚出门,黑地墨天,不知那边是东,那边是西,一步挪来两步,直走到天明,才晓得是一带没人家的僻径。心里一个不快活,越走不动了,巴不得寻个处在略坐一坐。正抬头,恰好就是一座古庙。说起这个古庙,甚是古得没样范。?

楼梯般两扇庙门,马坊样一间殿宇。一座石香炉,东倒西歪;几个泥菩萨,翻来覆去。座前摆两爿竹个,那些个有灵有感;壁上挂一块木经,看不出谁阳谁圣。?

正进得庙门,只见那角落头蹲着有三四个肥头胖脑的乞儿,煨着瓦罐煮早粥吃。见李翠儿走到,个个打着市语,大惊小怪起来。李翠儿看了这班叫化子,不像个良善的,心头扑扑的跳,打点走了出来,恐怕那些叫化子倒要动手动脚。只得放大胆走向那神柜边坐下。那些乞儿中有一个低低说道:“列位哥,好造化。这里正是四十五里没人烟的所在,那得这样个标致小官,可不是全来的福。”内中又有个道:“列位哥,这决是好人家儿女,敢是迷失路的,再走去和他扳个话看就是。”适才说起的那个乞儿道:“待我再去,待我再去。”又走到神柜边。?

原来那李翠儿走了许多路,身子倦怠,一边坐一边睡着。这乞儿走过去把他一推道:“小官,这个壁缝里有风。要睡觉,我们有现成铺盖在那里。”李翠儿带着睡,着实一跳,咿咿唔唔道:“我宁可死在这里,决不转去那。”乞儿听了这句话,把头一缩,悄悄走过来对众人道:“这个小官,有些蹊而跷之,古而怪之。我略把他推得一推,吃起惊来道,我宁可死在这里,决不转去了。”众人道:“这样说,决是与家里人有些口过,忿气出来的了。只要讨他个口风,姓什么,叫什么名字,住在什么所在,就去报个信,强加做场买卖。”那个乞儿道:“再待我去讨他个口风。”说不了,又到他面前,一顿大呼喊叫,把李翠儿推醒。李翠儿不知什么势头,吓得魂不附体,连忙跪下,口口声声只叫饶命。那乞儿气了道:“啐,我们虽然做个叫化子,还是好骨气,又不是什么歹人,怎的是这样叫。”李翠儿勉强笑道:“果然不是歹人,是我叫差了。”乞儿道:“你且不要慌,听我讲么。这个古庙是我们的地方,如今官府好不利害,你且到门首把告示看看,凡是面生可疑之人,不许客留在庵观寺院里。我却有些不认得你,说一说看是什么人家。”李翠儿惧了,只得直言告禀道:“叫化哥,你不认得我么?我叫做李翠儿,就是李员外家的人。”乞儿把口开得老大道:“李员外是新近没的,你是他家人,怎么孝也不戴一戴?”李翠儿就不则声。那乞儿讨了这个口风,遂过去说与众个得知,一齐都不肯信。又有个乞儿道:“这个极容易的,让我赶到城里李员外家问一声,就晓得真假了。”众人道:“说得有理,你快去,你快去。”

不说那些乞儿盘问李翠儿的话,且说那赶进城去的,一口气跑到李员外家。那李大官人正为夜间走了李翠儿,打点写招子,着人四下追寻。那乞儿打听得是真,连忙说是报信。李大官人说有人报信,便叫那乞儿进去问个详细。随即打发几个家童,飞一般的来到古庙里,把李翠儿活活捉了转去。那一班叫化子都得了些赏,个个喜欢不了。诗曰:贫根丐子造化,没卵小厮运低。?

为甚樊笼难脱,都缘面生可疑。?

那李翠儿捉转去,被李大官人着实打了一顿,还剥了衣服,端然现出原身,又做了使女。犹恐他日后做出什么歹事,遂把他并与了个得力的家童,不上做亲一年,生了个儿子。是这个儿子生将出来,又添了一番好笑话,怎么又是个笑话?当初自李翠儿逃去捉回,巴陵城中那个不晓得他是个小厮,再没人肯信说是女人。如今生了个儿子,有那好讨嘴舌债的乱传开去,说是李员外家出件异事,小官生出个儿子来。又有那好事的,就去编了个唱本,满街做新文卖,落得骗人的钱钞。李大官人闻知了,虽然不是件真事,总来没甚好看,便把李翠儿夫妻们打发出来。过得几时,那个儿子看看长大,比娘又生得好十倍,取名叫做小翠。也是他该有这碗衣饭,到了十三四岁养起头发,越恁有丰韵。走将出去,一个看见一个消魂,两个看见两个吊魄。?

城中有个大老官,姓邵名囊,家俬可有巨万,算得是个好拐小官的总头。随你异样做作的小官,经着他的手,做作不来了。这日正送客出来,回头一看,见个戴矮方巾的主儿,手里拿着个画眉,同了个披发小官,走将过去。邵囊认得那戴方巾的背影,好像那做牵头的罗海鳅。也就要看看那小官的面孔,便叫一声道:“罗海鳅。”罗海鳅忙回转头,见是邵囊,把个笑堆到嘴边,一个大唱道:“邵官人,连日连日。”邵囊低低问道:“这个是那家的?”罗海鳅把嘴一努道:“不是正路货,是李员外家的那把货。”邵囊道:“好在里面,可曾有主儿么?”罗海鳅道:“才这几日同他出来走走。”邵囊道:“如今要到那里去?”罗海鳅道:“打点去斗画眉。”邵囊笑道:“来得恰好。我前日也买得几个在里面,拿进去斗斗看。”李小翠欢喜杀来道:“便去斗一斗。”邵囊遂同进去。?

邀到侧厅上,果然挂着许多,也有黄头,也有画眉,也有鹦歌,见人来叫做一片。只有那鹦哥嘴里叫得有趣,口口声声的,猫儿来哥哥打。两个听了,好不喝采。邵囊把画眉除下来,问小翠道:“割舍得斗么?”李小翠适才一团兴致,巴不得进来斗斗。如今看见这许多,那里还有胆气,就不作声。邵囊笑道:“我这些都是好价钱买的,你既喜欢养,我明日送你两个何如?”李小翠也随口应了声多谢,罗海鳅道:“我们告别了罢。”邵囊道:“你就来客气了。你便是相处长久的,这翠兄今日初相见,又是头一次到我家,难道椅子不曾坐得热,就去了。俗语说得好,相逢不饮空归去,洞口桃花也笑人。”罗海鳅笑道:“来一次扰一次,怎么算帐。”邵囊也笑道:“明日相烦的事上心些,就见盛情。”不多时,摆酒出来。你看这通酒,比别的一发丰盛。?

东坡蹄囤囹安排,宝应蟹大盘堆砌。香喷喷成个酝鱼,油汆全五香肚肺。带皮羊,烂炉得异样梅酥;乌骨鸡,酒煮得上般滋味。腊鹅腿子摆起去,叠叠重重;火肉心儿切将来,肥肥腻腻。?

难道这桌酒说得不齐整,偏是李小翠酒量不济事,吃得七八杯面孔上就有些红意。邵囊那里知他真个是吃不得的,便叫小厮里面去拿出宝贝来。你道什么宝贝,却是个藏得半壶酒的一个大玉杯,中间做成两只小玉蟹,筛下酒去,那蟹就会得爬将起来,也算得是酒席上一件出奇的玩器。邵囊满斟一杯酒,两只蟹都浮在面上,爬个不了,就送与李小翠。小翠本是不肯吃这一钟的,见那蟹儿有趣,只得接在手,尽着量一口吃了。邵囊见他去得,又是一杯斟过来,李小翠又勉强一气饮干。邵囊拍手大笑道:“翠兄原来是海量,妙得紧。再看热酒来。”说不了又斟上一杯,还要打点递将过去。那李小翠实落来不得了,连忙把个腰躬将下去,抵死不肯受。邵囊道:“翠兄作揖,小弟就跪,决然要求干。”一边说,一边咄的跪在地下。李小翠也对面跪下,双手接过来,拚得个醉倒王公旧酒庐,做两口呷完,有一,这个硬好汉,虽是做了,险些儿把个头都摇了下来。你说这半晌罗海鳅为何没一句话说,这个主儿原是个随碗醉的,趁着他两个一面缠,他在背后落得吃个爽利,先自弄得壁泥般醉。邵囊拿起杯正要敬他,见这个模样便住了手,把他搀去坐了。再停一会,越醉得没并侨,仰着头,伸着脚靠在椅子上,把那随口曲儿唱个不了。李小翠看不过便要起身告别,邵囊一把扯住道:“此时还没有晚,怎么就要说去。等他醉的是醉,我们饮酒的饮酒。”那里肯放,李小翠也决不再坐,倒没奈何立饮了一大杯,才出得门。那罗海鳅见李小翠起了身,一唱唱也跳起身,口内乱叫道:“拿画眉来,我带去。”邵囊道:“明日拿罢。”罗海鳅道:“难道他先去了,也不等我一等。”转身正要洒开步赶上前去,怎奈这两只脚不肯争气,扑的跌了一跌。邵囊带着笑,依旧扶他坐了一歇,吃钟苦茶,便搀他雪洞里去睡了。?

次日早起,一些也不省得昨晚这场大醉,梳洗得停当,打点出门。被邵囊留住道:“我正要和你商量那件事,怎么就去。”罗海鳅从新坐下道:“这句话又是想着李小翠了。”邵囊道:“可弄得到手么?”罗海鳅道:“有什么难处,近日出来小官,不过只要身上光鲜,腰边硬挣。这两件齐备了,还怕什么不倒在你怀里。”邵囊道:“你晓得我们相处小官,不像那些没体面的。自然要个把银子用在他身上,那里有个砍光的道理。”罗海鳅听了这句话,兜上心来道:“这样说,邵官人,大老官毕竟还要让你做。你不知道,近来小官也为那些没体面的哄怕了,所以个个都要见兔放鹰。我和你如今先把个体面,做几两银子不着,只拣那好花样的生活,买几疋,送到他家里去,那小官家见了,叫做有奶的就是娘,自然心悦诚服,要到手,可不是瓮中擒鳎”邵囊道:“难道这样容易。既然如此,千金担子都托在你身上,少不得事成了有个意思在这里。略坐一坐,吃了早饭就同去买生活。”说不了,早饭摆将出来。两个吃完,打点正要动身,恰好李小翠劈面走到。?

他这番来,有那不晓事的,把他屈说了,道是上门兜揽主顾。偏我知道他的来意,终久还是那些小厮们顽耍生性,记挂那几个画眉,果然倒被我猜着。才坐得下,画眉两个字正出口,被罗海鳅拽到天井里,把要买生活送他的话逐一说知。李小翠道:“恐怕做衣服穿将出去,又有别人议论。既有这段美情,不如折几贯钱与我罢。”罗海鳅满口应承道:“若是这样,包得在我身上。”转身就和邵囊说了。邵囊极其乐意,当下又吩咐摆起酒,从早晨吃到晚,大家越吃越醒。约莫吃到上灯,李小翠先靠倒在桌上。邵囊知他意思,便叫罗海鳅掌了灯,亲自扶他到雪洞里,把门闩了。两个弄了好一会,只是弄不进去。你道他如何弄不进去,一个是不曾十分受这道过的,那个屁眼紧紧凑凑,一时间如何宽绰得来。一个是本钱忒莽撞了,略放得进去些儿,就像戴紧箍儿一般,弄得生疼。邵囊一团高兴怎么丢得手,抽出尘柄,多搽些津唾,也管不得弄开他的屁眼,尽着力气着实一送,齐根进去。李小翠抵当不住,一个寒噤,叫了一声我的娘,连忙把身子一扭,那里扭得出来。一个熬着疼,一个乘着兴,不只抽的二百多回,早又歇帐了。此时将近二更,见得顽了两个来更次,倒是外面的工夫多,里面的工夫少。李小翠穿好了衣服,依旧还要回家。邵囊道:“这样时候回家也不便,有心在这里,明早去罢。”罗海鳅道:“他却不曾在外歇惯,还是把他回去。”邵囊就叫起小厮掌灯送李小翠回家。?

次早邵囊又与罗海鳅商量,约莫着不好出手,遂打点十贯钱,着罗海鳅送去。所以说做牵头的人十分心狠,竟把十贯钱落了他三贵。过了几日两边会帐起来,才晓得是罗海鳅没行止。总之自一遭后,两家都熟落了,正好顺水推船,把罗海鳅丢开。两三个月里,李小翠赚他老大一块。罗海鳅想一想看,不因渔父引,怎得见波涛。气他不过,分明要他两个开交,寻思个反间计,又挽出个大老官,便教他跳了槽,看将起来。做小官的若肯一心一意相处了个朋友,便可发迹一世,怪他不得。生成了这个病,这山望见那山高,巴不得换个新主顾。常是线缚鸭子,弄得两边拓了。邵囊那里得知是罗海鳅的暗中算计,拿定个主意,就与他开支。你说那做大老官的,拚得撤漫两分,那里不去相处个小官。只是做小官的过了一两年,仍旧要来投奔旧主顾,这叫做覆水难收。却又有一说,如今的小官,三分颜色全仗七分妆扮。若没这些妆扮,总然是生的花朵般,也没人看得上眼。?

那李小翠不上半年,看看弄得没了结果。他那母亲李翠儿,原是个在行的,教他还到邵囊家走走。李小翠心里实落又想着邵囊,脸上其实没了意思,这日拚得见面等他发挥一顿,来到邵囊家里。小厮便进去说知,邵囊听说李小翠三个字,真个是提起心头火一盆,不出来相见,写一个字儿出来回覆道:与你情断义绝,今日复来何说。你却容易进门,我却懒于应接。?

思之理上谁亏,提起心头火冽。便宜早是归家,省得一场面叱。?

李小翠看了这几句,气得两只眼睛脱了出来,没些趣向,端然走了回去。把字儿递与母亲李翠儿看,李翠儿看了道:“原是你不是了些,怪他则甚。果然气他不过,也写几句回他出口气罢。”李小翠正要拿起笔,李翠儿道:“他便绝情绝义写得出,你却不可十分伤触了他。”李小翠道:“我是有个写法。”遂写道:昔日交情何厚,今日撇人脑后。纵使一二有亏,还必万千宽宥。?

不记门外奇逢,不记灯前苦受。这的铁石心肠,何异衣冠禽兽。?

写便写了,难道自家还好拿去。转央一个后生主儿,拿到邵囊家。那邵囊决乎想不到是李小翠拿来发作他的,拆开看了呵呵大笑,仔细一想,过意不去。次日只得着人先去寻了罗海鳅,告诉一遍。那罗海鳅也为当日那桩心病,长久不好见面,趁这一着做个引头,才又上门。邵囊就央他去寻了李小翠来,当面说了一通。罗海鳅便立个主意,写下一张议单,议定每年包倒他多少家用,多少衣服。这遭两家才又过得热热络络起来。看官们,不厌絮烦,把罗海鳅做的议单,一发经一经目。他写道:立议单人罗海鳅,有友邵囊,原与李小翠交好。讵料未经一载,李生歹见,顿背深情。不意粗心无遂,束手空还。可谓走尽天边路,难觅皮宽树也。今者李既悦归,邵其笑纳。往事不必重提,新议何妨再酌。三面看定,每岁邵奉李家用三十金,身衣春夏套,外有零星用广,不入原议之中。此系两家情愿,各无异说。如有翻覆等情,原议人自持公论。恐后无凭,立此议单。各执一纸存证。?

诗曰:

议单写就各无疑,花押亲书作证媒。?

惟愿两家无异说,还留样子后人为。?



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