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Book 08: Drunken

  第八回烟花女当堂投认状巡捕衙出示禁男风一剪梅茫茫世局尽如棋,先看相宜,定盘打破识雄雌。用却心机,枉却心机。

这是几句大概的说话。当今时世,人头上走将出来的,个个会得争英雄,较胜负。说便这等说,这总是各要为发个行业,指望做个子孙长久之计,怪他不得。却不知近日做小官的,都看了那个样子,也思量要立起一个行业来,到与那做娼妓的做了对头。这不是随口乱说的话,眼见得有在这里。听说金州甫林县地方,有个刘松巷,你道一个巷,如何取这样一个名字。有一说,当初那地方上出一个光棍,姓刘名松。原来他开成的这条巷,巷内前前后后,共有三百房子,居住的都是娼妓。这刘松是个光棍,到处喝水成冰,着实有些手段。也是花柳场中,数得起的一个有名豪杰。凡是那娼妓人家有些争闹,只要他走将出来,三言两语,天大的事,就弄得没踪没影。日常间所靠的是放课钱,收水债。不上三四年,吃他做了老大的人家。后来正要思量脱离这个门路,猛可的被官府拿了访察,把一个铁铮铮的好汉,轻轻的葬送在囚牢里。自这刘松一死之后,连那巷里的娼妓人家都倒运了。终日闹闹吵吵,官司口舌。彼时就有几个乡宦出来,动了一张呈子,把这些娼妓驱逐了四散去。你看那头二百间空房子,都用了各衙门的封皮。上面虽帖着如赁票儿,人都怕是不利市,那个敢去租一间儿住住?整整封锁了年把,地方上又出了个不怕事的光棍,叫做鲁春。他就一口合兑出银子来,买了五十多间,思量要造一个小官榻坊。这时人头上正作兴着小官,有那好事的,赚鲁春有这个主意,着实撺掇。鲁春一边择好日具工,一边先写了许多知会贴儿,向四处一贴。上写云:南林刘松巷,于某月某日,换主新开小官榻房,知会。

那鲁春开得没多几日,到来了许多小官,塌房里竟热闹起来。虽然来便来得多了,都是半斤八两,没有个索得价钱起的。有几个肯撒漫的大老官,邀三携五,走来看了,只是没个中意。说便这样说,终不然高高兴兴踱将来,依旧寂寂寞寞踱了去不成?没奈何,也只得将就受纳了一个。众小官见生意渐渐冷淡了,也晓得自己生得不甚动人,都去搽脂抹粉,学出那娼妓家的妆扮来。只是这个打扮到古古怪怪,不是留了长长燕尾,就是梳了高高髻鬓,不自说是打扮得好看,是这个模样做作出来,坏了小官名色,连那鬼也没得上门。鲁春开了这个榻坊,只管囫囵不管破,一个人一日要算你三分饭钱,那里管得你有生意,没有生意。不满两三个月,闲的到去了大半。有的人说,这些小官去了,都是鲁春没了时运。偏我说,自这些小官一去,鲁春的时运才来。怎见得?不多时,来了一个小官,就是本处金州人,叫做范六郎。年纪可有十五六岁。果然生得齐整:香玉为肌,芙蓉作面。披一带青丝发,梳一个时样头。宛转多情,画不出来的一眶秋水。两道春山,一种芳姿,不似等闲儿女辈。几多情苗,敢夸绝代小官魁。

这样标致的小官,且莫说是金州只有他一个,料来走遍天下,也没有第二个了。所以说,路上行人就是碑,有那眼孔里看不得龌龊的主儿,登时乱传开去,道是鲁春家里新到了个范六郎,生得妙不可言。那些好小官的大老,闻知了这个风声,两三日里,其门如市。这范六郎本是好人家儿女,没奈何寻这条门路的。虽然做了这个勾当,不似近日这些没嘴脸的小厮一般,极是会得看人打发,委是肯撒漫些的,方才招接个把。鲁春自得了他,只当有了百来亩肥田,整日安贵吃用个自在。后来那些去的小官,听说有了范六郎,巴不得要依着他,出个好名头,挈些钱钞,一齐依旧转来,这叫做近朱者赤,近墨者黑。众小官有了范六郎这样一个招牌,连各人的生意,都打发不开。从此一日一日,小官当道,人上十个里,到有九个好了男风。连那三十多岁生男育女的,过不得活,重新也做起这道来,竟把个娼妓人家都弄得断根绝命。后来那些娼妓坐不过了冷板凳,一齐创起个议论,把各家妈儿出名,写了一个连名手本,向各乡宦家讲诉其情。就是这各乡宦里,有个把日常间好管公事的,偏生这件又不会调停,都推过不理帐。众娼妓们没了法,便又做了揭帖,把那小官说得腌腌臜臜,各处乱贴。这些小官晓得了,恐怕坏了名头,弄得不值钱,连忙与鲁春商量。做了状子,就向南林县中投告。诗曰:眼前谁是与谁非,较胜争强总不宜。

男女虽殊业一样,加何分得两生涯。

说那南林县,原只有一知一典。其时,恰还没有正堂官,正催巡捕典史署樱这典史姓钟,名福,是个吏员出身,做官着实明白,没一些儿私曲,竟不像如今这些要钱脸的。这日早堂理事,看了这张状子,老大吃上一惊,便唤吏书过来问道:”我老爷署印这几时,且喜民安讼怠,那些婚日上的事,尚且没有人来告一张,怎么到有这张状子?你可晓得鲁春是什么人?“吏书答应道:”是地方上一个光棍。“典史想一想道:”自然是个光棍了。可还晓得他做些什么?“吏书道:”家中开一个小官塌坊。“典吏微微笑道:”是了。且问你,怎么叫做小官塌坊?从头讲一讲看。“吏书道:”老爷不嫌絮烦。小的一一禀上:当初本地方上,先有个光棍,叫做刘松,家事甚是殷厚。他就买了官房,起了头二百间小小房屋,招接头二百个娼妓住了,又开了一条私巷,就取名叫做刘松巷。后来刘松被上司拿了,死在狱中,那些娼妓人家从此遂闹闹吵吵,众乡宦容留不得,立时都驱逐去了。这鲁春走将出来,遂把那些房子买了一半,造了一个小官榻坊,凡是肯做小官的,就投奔到他家里。如今还开得好不热闹。“典史道:”这是小官绝了娼家的道路了。想将起来,总是那边坊开得不好。“随即唤个公差,给了一枝火签。

不敢耽搁,飞一般的径来到刘松巷寻着鲁春。你看这鲁春,终久是个做光棍的人,会得做些事业。随那公差说得火紧,他却慢慢哼哼,讲的都是冰窖说话。随即把东道摆将出来,这公差恰好是个要呷杯儿的,见了酒,一屁股就坐下了。两个吃到半阑,鲁春递一锭粉边细丝银子,约莫有一两三四钱。这公差看了这锭银子,到没了算计,欲待要接了他的,思量却又没有个鲁春拿去,不好回话;欲待只捉了鲁春去,不接了银子,心下又不割舍得。左思又想,落得收了他的,拼得当官回话,挨几十板子。你到收了银子起身去回官也罢,偏又放不下这几钟饿碗头,又坐倒身子,吃个像意。看看吃到下午,弄得乱醉,方才起身。只见他:两眼模糊斜撇脚,摸壁扶墙这字滑。

舌尖吐出乱头摇,牙会咬来空嘴夹。

笑呵呵,无底答,双手袖中寻不着。

临行拱手又弯腰,满口如衔蒙汗药。

那典史坐在堂上,原是要立刻拿鲁春来的。等了半日,坐得不耐烦,正待回衙,只见那公差吃得泥般,斜眼撇脚走到案桌前,扑的跪下,把个头来乱摇,一句也讲不出了。典史看了,气得两只眼睛突将出来,拿起急性子乱敲。这公差伸手伸脚,越做作得好看。典史喝令皂隶,把他打了三十大,是这一通打,只当吃了杨海干,到解了一半酒去,恰才省些人事,跪在公案前,到不说起鲁春一事,老老实实把银子摸出来,”就是只得他这一锭。“典史看了银子,更加焦燥道:”我着你去拿人,到得了他银子,把人卖放了。兀自吃得滥醉,在我眼前放肆。“叫声打,又打了二十。随即就把他革了役去。这公差白白打了五十个大板,银子得不到手,又没了个门户,总是他的运限不利,不消说了。

典史当下另差两个,当晚就把鲁春拿来,先把状上情由审了一遍。鲁春把小官与娼妓两家打闹的事,一一直言禀告。典史听罢,笑了一声道:”这样事,也教我难断。明日看那娼妓的讨状,才好审决。“旁边管事的,就把鲁春带起了,典史遂差了那两个原差,拿牌去拿众娼妓来听审。那些娼妓听说小官把他告了,这回巴不得要弄个其人,打场好官司。连忙去递了诉状,两边都打点。是那一日见官,私下先打个好耍子。

典史看了娼妓的诉词,其实说得悲切,便唤那几个为首的,一一先录口词。众娼妓也巴不得见一见青天老爷,诉一诉苦。都为跪在通道上,各人把落在烟花,没奈何,依门献笑,要度口食的话,诉了一番。典史道:”说将来还是你娼家有理。只是一说,近来人上,个个都作兴了小官,连我不解这个意思。敢是你等娼妓,不肯料理生意?“内中有两个老脸的娼妓,连忙答应道:”不瞒老爷说,娼妓们其实会料得生意的,就是来的嫖客,一夜将准奉承他七八遭。第二日临起身的时节,还决要教他打个丁儿出门。“曲史道:”胡说,可见都是你这一起,连那个好娼妓名头都坏了。所以那些小官,有这场聒噪起来也罢。你若要我禁止了那男风,依旧让你们在本地方赚钱的话,今后个个便要当官方可。“众娼妓道:”娼妓们一向是当官的。凡是同各乡宦老爷有酒,时常来捉官身。“典史道:”我这个当官,不是那样当。每月初三十八,俱要齐来听候娼名。“众娼妓满口应承道:”只要老爷肯放这条门路,一个月莫说是几日,便再多几日,娼妓们也是情愿的。“典史道:”你等既各情愿,快出去取了认状来。“众娼妓欢天喜地,都一骨碌爬起身,向大门外就走。

不多时,各人把认状拿进来,当堂递了。典史仔仔细细,逐张看过,把朱笔都标了个准字,吩咐道:”你等都出去,料来这件事,教我也难容。一壁厢,待我把原状注销了,一壁厢,待到外面禁止了男风,依旧安了你们生业。“众娼妓道:”爷爷,那些做小官的,个个心怀不善。到求老爷拘到案前,当面平定了,不然的时候。老爷有日高升去了,又要吃他的亏。“典史道:”不须多说。“众娼妓应声是,再也不敢开口,磕个头,都走了出去。那些小官,只思量教这鲁春出来,告了这状,满望赢了官司,好打落个行业。怎知道典史老爷,到准了娼妓口词,要禁止了男风。一齐不快活了,听便听了这句话,个个还将信将疑。

次日,正打点教鲁春到县里去,打听个真假,恰好那两个原差,拿了一张告示,来到刘松巷口帖下。众小官都忙不及的走出来看时,只见上写着:金州甫淋县署正堂亭巡捕,典史钟福,为禁止男风,以饬风化:街陌花衢,为豪侠纵游之地;朱楼翠馆,系王孙恣乐之常近有无耻棍徒,景人桑榆,滥称小官名色,霸居官巷,断绝娼妓生涯。一旦脂粉窝巢,竟作唾津。世界深为可畏。为此,出示着地方总甲,立时严打驱逐出外,敢有前项棍头,潜于附近地方,希图蹈辙,坑害善良者,许诸色人等,即时掇票,以凭究遗邻里,容留不举,事发连坐,决不轻贷,特示。古仰知悉,年月日实贴刘松巷口众小官看了,吃上一惊,到自伙里,你埋怨我,我埋怨你起来。不上一两日,各人寻了所在,都走掉了。单单剩得个范六郎,鲁春就留他在身边,做了儿子。这遭那娼妓各自靠了个衙头,依旧搬到刘松巷来住了,把那小官,竟赶的没了踪影,只当做了一场好戏。地方上有那好事的,便把小官娼妓两家夺行业,打官司的话头编做个新闻,满街卖个发疯。过得几日,那先前在公堂上撒酒疯,打了五十板的公差,想得事跟脚起,为他们两家的事,白白打了许多板子,又革了役,没些事做,只得来到刘松巷,要这些娼妓看观看观。众娼妓便肯收留,终日酒食,堆在嘴头,只恨他吃不下。他却适意不走。凡有事脱将下来,就是他去挡官抵府。总是此生该吃这碗衣饭,在这刘松巷里混了年把,平空发迹了。也去讨了几个粉头做作起来。

因此说,一个人命里生成了,再也改移不得。命里该做官,毕竟有个纱帽戴;命里该讨饭,到底有个碗拿。这范六郎,生成是个做小官的命,那里有福安事。鲁春的家当,不上几年,替他挥霍一空,做了几年儿子,寻了一场吵闹,依旧告别,到别处去做了小官。后人有四句口头话,嘲之云:薄命六郎真没福,快活为儿心不欲。

甘心又扮小官妆,成就歹人刮冷粥。



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